In your daily life, you may have family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, fellow center-of-worship congregants and others who are willing and able to support you while you cope with a cancer diagnosis and treatment. They may provide you with emotional, spiritual, physical or practical help (meals, transportation, cleaning, help with childcare), as well as nutritional or financial assistance and more.
Both asking for and accepting help can pose a significant challenge for oncology patients for several reasons. First, it can feel like yet another loss of independence, leading to feelings of vulnerability or of being a burden to others. Additionally, there is sometimes a fear of judgment from others or yourself due to expectations that can stem from how you were raised or from current culture, which tends to promote “powering through” adversity.
While asking for or accepting help can be challenging, it can also be a gift to others who are looking for an opportunity to support you. Thinking about how you might respond if a dear friend needed support could help you reframe your thoughts about asking for and accepting help in a healthy manner. Another bonus is that the acceptance of help from others can foster growth in you and your supporters, which can strengthen your relationships.
Below are some considerations for requesting and accepting help:
- Think about what you need help with, who can help and how they can help. Be as specific as possible about your needs (when and how often). People typically need direction on how to help. Consider the abilities, skills and limitations of those you are asking to get the best fit for your needs.
- Be flexible about the way your supporters perform tasks (for example, cleaning or laundry).
- Consider streamlining support through a “meal train” app, an online communication website, a schedule or a person who can organize your support system and delegate tasks.
- Consider the time and place when asking. Face-to-face is always best, if possible, to avoid miscommunication.
- Use effective communication strategies, such as “I-statements.”
- Hire help if that is an option financially, such as cleaning or lawn services.
- Explore free community resources through churches, schools and other organizations.
- Work with an oncology social worker for further guidance.
LEARN MORE ABOUT BEHAVIORAL HEALTH SERVICES AT NORTHSIDE.
